I attended a function the other day with friends from work; colleagues I worked with for 15 years, many of whom I had not seen in 20 years. It was nice to see them all and good to hear they are still with the company and gainfully employed.
But I haven’t been for the last six years, so for me it was a little awkward. Everyone asks how you are doing, what have you been up to, and you look well. I realized after the first round that this is hard to answer. The answers you give make people uncomfortable. Which is completely understandable; these people care about me and genuinely wish me good fortune and happiness in life. But not having a job puts quite
a damper on those feelings.
I can’t really say I’m not doing well, I’m not up to anything, I don’t have a job or income. And I know that I don’t look well, either. I’ve seen better days, I’ve never had a beard before and I’m wearing clothes from 10 years ago.
After I depressed one person with my story – I wasn’t trying to, I tend to answer questions literally, good or bad — I decided to change up my response. I told people I was a writer and I manage a website (not a Blog).
(Funny thing about telling people you are a writer, it is somewhat synonymous with not having a steady income. If you are not a newspaper or paperback writer then it’s assumed you are writing a journal for yourself or poetry. Posting a lot on Facebook doesn’t count.)
Perhaps being unemployed for many years scares people. Maybe they can see themselves in this situation someday. But I promise you no one thinks they will be jobless for 6 years that’s for sure. And they would be right, I believe my longevity is the exception, not the norm. I don’t think many people losing a job these days would have to wait so long for a new one.
I was cut from my job of 15 years during the Great Recession so there was not a new job market to fall into. I also took care of my ailing mother for 2 years immediately following my excision. And I don’t regret that at all, nor to I consider it bad luck. It made me a better person.
However when I began searching in earnest for a new opportunity I had a 2 year employment gap. I didn’t mind at first, I thought it would be easily explained during an interview. What I didn’t know at the time was that I would not get any interviews to begin with. I never had a chance to explain the gap in my employment.
I rectified this, I thought, by adding it to my resume. So whoever happened upon my resume would see a short summary explanation on the next page. Still jobless after all these years I’m wondering if anyone reads the second page of a curriculum vitae.
Talking about unemployment is hard. The conversation is short and the other person is quick to change direction to something else. I don’t blame them – going over the same old story time and time again isn’t helpful to me either. I think, “Why am I still saying the same thing all these years later?” Why hasn’t my story changed, or have a new opening or different ending?
Not having a career takes an emotional and physical toll on me. My mood is forlorn, my mind doesn’t have any new answers for me, my resume can’t change, and my cover letters can sound more desperate as the months tick by. I’m still a professional that had a successful 15 year career taken away through no fault of my own. (Globalization, cost cutting, profit boosting, preparing for a sell-off and an acquisition.)
But everyone naturally has to wonder what happened. Did I do something, did I get burned out, did I stop caring? Of course not. I am a very driven person, and unfortunately I let a job and a company define who I was. So when I no longer had that career defining me I lost my sense of self. I didn’t know who I was anymore, I didn’t know what to do. I still am completely lost more days than not.
And this is my thing – my burden to carry, not someone else’s. It’s hard for me knowing some people feel bad for me and I can’t fix it for them. I can’t wake up one day and walk myself into a job. There are so many moving parts to landing a job and you don’t have many moves to make. Once I apply, everything is out of my hands. I can’t control who else applies, who reads my resume, or who decides my fate.
I have succumbed to desperate measures in my job search, for better or worse I really can’t tell. Have you ever told your boss you would work for free? For 2 weeks? A month? I have. I’ve sent follow-up emails to employers asking if I can work without pay, just so I can prove myself. I think of it like an internship; the financial industry still hires interns in some areas (it’s not hard to work for free if the pay-off at the end is Wall Street wealth).
Turns out regular companies, or other financial companies in Boston, are not so keen on an offer of free labor. Maybe it did reek of desperation to some people; I thought of it as showing zealous ambition. To say it is at first embarrassing to offer to work unpaid is an understatement; to say it is devastating to not hear back from the hiring manager is as well.
Often I think of it this way: Looking for a job can be like pursuing that girl you liked in high school, who continually rebuffs your shows of affection. She really doesn’t want to date you, but, you rationalize if you try harder or change some aspect of behavior, she will eventually come around. She usually doesn’t. And we don’t realize this until we are separated far enough by time; looking back you think, “What was I doing?” Remember the maxim: Doing the same thing over and over is crazy. So, if you’ve had only one job your whole life, then, maybe you are not the most employable person on earth. Where do you get the strength to keep sending out resumes to these companies that seemingly don’t want anything to do with you?
These are variables we all measure ourselves by; the house you live in, the clothes you wear, the money you make, the car you drive, the company you keep, the vacations you take. Do you live in a house or an apartment? Do you drive a fancy or functional automobile? When was the last time you took a vacation? Can you afford season tickets to the Patriots or Red Sox, or does your ‘disposable income’ go to groceries? Do you have basic cable, or all of the movie channels? These are all signals people look for, whether you admit it or not.
Not having these things makes me feel apart from society, and in reality I am. I don’t participate in social aspects of life. Most of those happen after work. People take vacations with friends, and they know enough not to ask me to tag along. After the resumes are sent out for the day I am sucked into the virtual world of watching the news, flipping through Facebook, listening to audio books and going to sleep. Wake up, repeat. Pay bills when you can.
Nothing gets added to your life, no new gadgets, no unnecessary necessities (no necessities, frankly). So your life is stagnant, an everlasting hard day. And then of course there is the therapy sessions because your doctor will send you to one because, “You should talk to someone.” And that gets tedious quickly; Once again you find yourself telling the same story to someone new, with a degree, who wants to understand and help. But, can’t. Therapists can diagnose unemployment, they can’t prescribe you a job though.
Stressful are my days, worrying about the next rejection email – We found a better candidate, We found someone more suited to the position than you, We thank you for your interest and encourage you to apply for more jobs with us.
Confounded is my mind. Who is this better candidate? Am i too old to hire? Does my 15 years doing the job I just applied for count for nothing?
Rejection takes it toll. Personally, I can only hear “No,” a few times before I feel like
giving up. I don’t see a half full glass on the table; I see a broken glass on the floor. That’s not the persona I present, I’ve worked hard my whole life to keep it to myself. Maybe I look like someone who has something to hide.
Woeful seems this life of mine. Did I make the wrong decision to go to a great college and later work towards an MBA? Did I work morning noon and night 12 hours a day for nothing? No, I worked hard to better myself, to make my clients happy, to make my company proud of me, to feel good about myself for my efforts. I never took anything for granted, so it is hard to be taken for granted by others.
Yet my message is positive. I have my health, I have someone who loves me; and I have
the best dog. My message to the youth of America is this: Live your life.
Do not take anything for granted, so enjoy your life and your work. Don’t just find a work/life balance,
find a Life Balance. Do not work towards retirement, work towards your life. Take all of your vacation days and see the world. Enjoy your work, get to know your coworkers in the office and around the globe. Always be kind.
Remember A-B-L. Always Be Learning. Be able to to do anything that anyone asks of you. Know what you are good at, and what you are not, and find out why. Through learning we can change ourselves and be helpful to others. Have something outside of work that relaxes you, makes you happy, and a better person. . Be happy at work, but be happier at life.
I am not in dire straits, but like Elton John says, “A change is gonna do me good.”
-BC
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